speaking up

I am having a rare moment where I am actually capable of focusing on one thing for more than one second.  These moments are facing extinction these days so I better take advantage of it.  Over this past year there have been several moments where I have thought about how naive I was at the beginning of this journey.  One moment that sticks out is one I spent with a good friend early on in our struggle, who logically suggested that if we had problems we would have options.  These options may cost a lot of money and may not be easy but they exist.  I remember thinking that we would never need to contemplate this further, we would not need these options. 

As months went by and our prognosis worsened, the layers between myself and these so called options began to thin.  I am now so thankful that these options exist.  I have come a long way.  I have a bit of beef though.  Why is it that I thought us invincible in this area in the first place?  Why did I view infertility as something so foreign?

Why was it that no one was talking about infertility anywhere that I looked?

Our fertility clinic starts twenty couples on IVF every week.  That is over one thousand couples a year.  Where are these people?  There are hundreds of infertility blogs out there.  I am still shocked at how many people openly declare that no one outside of the blog world knows they are even trying to conceive.  I do of course respect this choice, it just is not for me.  We were at a dinner a couple of weeks ago with a woman who has had fertility challenges in the past.  She told me that she would never admit to using fertility treatments.  When asked if she conceived naturally she would always answer yes. 

How will people's perceptions ever warm to in vitro if they remain unaware of its common use? 

Maybe it is just me.  Maybe it is the fact that I am a hopeless liar and a terrible actor but I cannot imagine not speaking up about infertility to those around me. 


  1. I think it's a difficult one. My close friends (and, at least one friend of a friend who I'd rather didn't know) know that we're going through infertility. I didn't want to tell more people because I thought that would open us up to people making judgements and stupid comments; although people do that anyway.

    I'd definitely tell fellow IVFers and close family though - it annoys me when people who have been through IVF are all spooky about it.

  2. I came over from ICLW - Love the feel of your blog :)

    This is such an important topic. I wonder the same thing - If one in ten couples struggles to get pregnant - Where the heck are they? there must be hundreds, even in my small rural community!

    But then again, this is a small rural community, and I've not been open about our struggles, because everyone knows everyone and everyones business. Why is the conception of my children, because I need medical assistance, anyone's business. If I were conceiving in the privacy of my own home, it would be considered off limits. So not only am I grieving the loss of that option (to conceive at home) I am now subject to the public judgement of a community that doesn't understand what this experience is like.

    I'm not saying that silence is the right choice, but it certainly is complicated. As I've become more comfortable with our path, I have slowly been able to share it with people. It's not easy, and it is so emotional, but suffering in silence is no way to live!

    Great post! Welcome to this ALI Blogger community. It really RAWKS! I'll add you to my reader :)

    Best of luck to you on your journey!
    - Foxy

  3. Thanks Foxy. It definitely is complicated. I would think it would be even more difficult in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Thanks for the warm welcome!!

  4. Here from ICLW and I've been reading through your blog. This post was really interesting to me. Only a few close friends and some of my siblings know of our struggle with infertility. I try not to let in be known to the general public - acquaintences at church, work, etc. I've lost three babies in a row (2 far enough along that I had to give birth and then bury them). Very few people have been supportive, most avoid me once they know of my troubles, and some are insensitive gossips. Being "out" is more trouble than it's worth!


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