zero to fifteen in two seconds, and a little something spooky

Lately I find myself not acting like myself.  I go from zero to about a solid fifteen in less than two seconds.  It is kind of like a little monster is hidden in me and takes inopportune moments to rear its little head.  One second everything is fine.  Two seconds later and I have substantially overreacted.  I know when it is happening that it is ridiculous.  I just cannot seem to help it.

By some miracle, my Husband seems to be handling these situations amazingly.  Some might say almost too well.  How is it that he knows how to deal with this little monster that I become yet I do not?  He seems almost immune.  I hope he keeps his game face on because the best... well worst really... is likely yet to come.  The scariest part... this is me... pre injection suppressants and stimulants.  Oh god.  I do not even want to contemplate the not so distant likely occurrences when I am all hopped up on the drugs.

I am trying.  I am trying to be calm.  I am trying to accept what is coming.  I cannot let the little monster win. 

Now, on to the little something spooky...  My favourite scary movie of all time...

Return to Oz... now you might be thinking how scary can this movie be... but until you have experienced the wheelers and the heads yelling Dorothy Gale do not judge
the wheelers via
the heads via

Scared yet?  

Happy Halloween!


  1. I don't think I have seen that movie, I will have to check it out. I'm sorry your feeling moody. I hope the drugs treat you nicely.

  2. You crack me up - My sister used to HATE that movie. I can remember her crying when she saw it and crying anytime we saw something that reminded her it the wheelers and the flying monkeys and the creeepy heads!

    I also hear you about the crazy that explodes from inside without any notice. I actually have felt calmer and more collected these past two weeks with stims and hormones and all that. This is a really hard journey and it makes total sense that you are freaking out on the inside!

    (hugs) foxy

  3. I totally forgot about the flying monkeys!! That's great that you've felt calmer and more collected during the weeks on the stims! Gives me some hope!

  4. I'm sorry you're having a rough time with your moods. It's totally understandable! I had similar problems this cycle. I attribute some of it to feeling under pressure for something to work...and soon! I don't know if you ever feel that way, too. Hang in there! Cheering for you!

  5. Hope you're ok. I did reiki and used a hypnotherapy CD to try and keep calm all the way through my fresh cycle, it might help? I love that film too. "A CHICKEN!!!!???"


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