to be carefree, or how the stress is winning right now

I wish I could take a vacation from my thoughts... even just a short vacation... even for just five minutes.  Lately I seem to be following the following pattern...happy one minute having successfully convinced myself that everything really is going to work out and we are going to get the Christmas present we truly want...the next minute...stressed....worrying and analyzing all of the what if scenarios...trying to make myself relax and then failing.  This pattern is by no means fun and I am aware that I am my own worst enemy.

Evenings seem to be particularly challenging...okay challenging is a nice way to describe my out of control mood swings.  It starts with a headache approximately one hour post injection, it grows into a mild irritation and then all hell breaks lose and I just seem to snap.

These are the moments where I wish, for just a brief second, that I was somewhere else... somewhere normal. Then I repeat the following to myself...this is the only way you are going to get what you want so suck it up and move on. This little bit of self motivation, so to speak, is minimally effective.

This is where I should come up with some sort of plan to manage my craziness. I have come up with nothing... well not completely. I do have a pedicure booked for tonight which who knows... could potentially ward off the inevitable mood swing.

I am clearly still working on relinquishing all control in this in vitro process.  God it is hard.

I saw this on Brown Eyed Belle's Blog yesterday and it put a smile on my face.  Books and dresses are two of my favourite things!  via erin ever after via brown eyed belle


  1. It seems like everything you are experiencing is normal and understandable. I hope the pedicure is a nice treat for you. Lots of positive vibes coming your way, from me!

  2. Enjoy your pedicure, and don't be too hard on yourself. Letting go is something we all need to work on!

  3. Enjoy the pedicure! I sometimes have moments where I think that all of this is really happening to someone else.

  4. I'm sorry the stress is getting to you :( But on a fun note, I absolutely adore that dress!!

  5. Are you on Lupron? It gave me crazy emotional upset every single night (my poor husband!) Like, the smallest thing would set me to sobbing.

    Hang in there!

  6. Hi, sweet girl! You have no idea how happy it makes me that this picture put a smile on your face :)

    Hang in there. I know that's so easy for me to say, right? Take time for yourself, like your pedicure! I'm thinking about you and everything that's going on. I know it's overwhelming. Please let me know if you need anything.

    Hugs and love!

  7. Thank you for all of your nice comments. I am definitely feeling better now post pedicure! Let's just hope it lasts!

    Bravingivf - I'm on suprefact which does the same thing as Lupron I believe.

  8. I too need to learn to let things go and to just roll with things. I am obssesed with researching every detail of my IVF cycle. IVF is never out of my mind!
    Ah.....I wish I could trade places with my husband and just take each day as it comes!


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