i missed my one year blog anniversary

I am officially disappointed in myself.  I mean I did just have two babies 7 weeks ago but really, I never thought I would miss such an important milestone.  I catch myself thinking about how amazing our life is right now and that if I could only tell my former (one year ago) self that everything really would turn out so well, I could have avoided months and months of agony (and so could have Andrew).  Of course life just doesn't work like that.  Life throws you curve balls and expects you to work them out.  For me life was going pretty damn well until we found out that we wouldn't be able to make a baby the good old fashioned way.  I mean I knew who I wanted to marry when I was thirteen, I actually did marry that person when I was twenty five and here we were on track to start a family.  A year ago I did have hope but that was mixed with a ton of nerves and fears.

I am not a mushy person.  In fact I have been labelled things such as "ice queen" in the past.  Until recently I haven't had a sentimental bone in my body (I think babies change this though).  This blog has allowed me to go to places I normally wouldn't, to pull apart my guarded self, to write down things I am scared about thinking and best of all to reach out to people, find common ground and connect.

thank you for reading, thank you for sharing, every comment is so encouraging, it's like opening a present over and over every day.

Here are the posts that tell my story so far... how I started out a year ago and how much everything has changed so profoundly...

like a band-aid (my first post)
where was the caution sign? (our infertility struggled laid out for all to read)
about that soccer field or why i believe in fate (how I knew I wanted to marry Andrew when I was 13)
my november, hello ivf calender (yes... it's my ivf calender in case you're curious of how this all went down)
needle party officially begun (because I loathe needles and you might too... they aren't so bad especially if your husband incorporates a needle dance)
rather be hiking, well maybe not (what we give up to get the chance at a baby)
trigger time, get excited (getting to trigger is like finding the golden ticket..)
needles, drugs and nineteen eggs (hmmm nineteen eggs, no wonder I looked pregnant..)
pupo (pregnant until proven otherwise)
best birthday ever (birthday + positive pregnancy test = best day ever)
baby A... baby B... hello twins! (what a way to ring in the new year!)
35 weeks pregnant (wow what a tummy!)
instant family  (they're here!)

Next up... birth story, nursery tour and perhaps I will even get my shit together enough to post our backyard reveal!

Thanks for following along!

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