things are changing

I kind of feel like I have one tip toe out in the real world and the rest of me is in a hamster wheel.  I love my wheel, it is entrenched in routine, it gets going at 6 am and peters off at 7 pm, stopping altogether around 10 pm but of course makes appearances somewhere between 1 am and 5 am.   It is somewhere I feel comfortable, somewhere that is full of giggles, a place where I actually sing out loud and a place that is becoming increasingly entertaining everyday as the girls find their voices and start to speak... or that's what I like to call it.  So yeah, I am in it, and it is pretty much all consuming.  I know people preach about balance, about having a social life, about taking time for yourself... I try.... and I know it is important.... but damn it is hard to get anything more than a tip toe out there.

and mostly I am okay with it, actually thrilled with it.  Sometimes I worry a bit about losing myself.. but then I remind myself that I feel like I have never felt more like myself than I have these past almost 9 months.  The girls are nearing 9 months old.... yes the not so eagerly anticipated official date when they have actually been out in the real world longer than they were growing in me.  Someone told me a few months ago that I must not mourn the end of each stage... so I really try not to do that... but of course that is so hard.... and I mostly fail.... but it's something to aspire to.  The other thing that 9 months means... it is that much closer to the big change that is coming.  Operation Day Care... actually starting.  The last few weeks we have been baby-proofing, shopping, gearing up, decorating and planning for this new career of mine....

a little preview of the playroom... more to come soon...

Staying at home and starting a day care means that I will have a chance at doing something that I think I will love, and of course getting to stay with my girls, in my wheel each and everyday.

Not going back to my former career will mean a big financial adjustment... or change of ways... and sometimes when we are out at ... oh a mall... and I see things that I would like to have, I think for a second about how going back to work could mean that I could buy such things... but then that second passes and I feel relief when I realize that yeah, I will not have all of the things that I might think I want, but I will be with my girls.... and I remember that I have never gone to bed wanting a top, new pair of jeans, heels... you get the picture... but I have gone to bed agonizing over wanting someone tiny to hold and love... and now I have two.

change can be so good.

happy monday.


  1. I'm excited about your day care adventures! Love the look of the new playroom, and looking forward to seeing more. You sound so happy in your wheel, dear woman.

  2. Awesome post, puts things in perspective!

  3. Such a sweet ending to your post. The playroom looks great from the sneak peak you showed, and I bet you will be fantastic in your new role!

  4. Such a great post. I am actually looking for somewhere for my daughter to be at an "in home" day care. I wish you lived closer :) The playroom looks adorable! Can't wait to see how this new adventure goes!

  5. The playroom looks great. I wish you lived in the Toronto area because we need daycare! I can understand the hamster wheel!!

  6. That is such wonderful perspective. I am quitting my job and the one stress for me is not being able to buy the shoes and "things" I want, but there are much more important things in this world.

  7. awww, I was just thinking of you and operation daycare today. Great post.


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